Find Your "Why"

What is your "Why"

So you have a goal you'd like to achieve.  Great!  You might even have a plan for how to achieve it. Even better! Now comes the tough part, answering why.

Your "Why" is your north star, it's the thing that can guide you when you get lost.  When you are deep into a struggle and you want to quit or you are faced with a choice that could take you towards your goal or away from it, that is when you need a guide to keep you going.  That guide is your "Why".

Your "why" will work best if it is personal, and if it fits with who you are.  If you want to lose weight, but the reason you want to lose weight is because your significant other says you're starting to look chubby, that is an external "why".  That external "why" is doomed to failure and probably resentment.  When you are faced with donuts on Monday morning, is the fact that your partner doesn't find you attractive going to be a good enough reason to pass on them?  How about when there is cake on Wednesday or bagels on Friday?  Eventually, that kind of "why" just isn't going to be good enough.

Now same goal, but internalized.  You see yourself as an overall healthy person and that is part of the identity you have in your mind of who you are.  That being part of who you are means you take ownership of doing what it takes to achieve you goals.

You see yourself as a good father.  So you need to be healthy enough to play with your kids.
You see yourself as a smart developer.  So you need to stay up to date on current technology and have a deep understanding of your current technology too.
You want to be respected by your peers.  You need to have respect for yourself and that confidence will command respect from others.

Finding your "why" is usually a lot deeper than finding your goal, and frankly that why might cause you to re-evaluate your goals.

So you want to get a promotion?  Why?  So you will have more respect and more money.  Why is that important to you?  You grew up poor and were picked on and told you'd never accomplish anything.  When you accomplish that promotion will that actually fill in the void?  Probably not, because you will still have a chip on your shoulder.  So what really is the problem?  You were told you were garbage and deep down you believe it too.  What can you do to get past that?  You will need to learn to believe that you are worthwhile and accomplished.  How can you do that?  By getting your promotion, but not to shove it in other peoples faces, but because you are confident, accomplished person that deserved that promotion.

You see the goal didn't change, heck respect and money are honest and worthwhile goals, but the "why" turned out to be much deeper and much more personal.  When this hypothetical person is grinding the long hours and hard work, when they look at why they are making the sacrifices, they aren't coming from a place of greed or anger (which is fleeting), they are coming from the core of their being.  The "why" is basically, "because this is who I am".

One could argue that you should say "this is who I want to be", but I think of it more like Michelangelo carving the statue of David.  (loose paraphrase) "David was always there in the marble, I just took away everything that was not David."  Who you truly are might not be apparent to the rest of the world, but it's still there it just hasn't been fully uncovered yet.

I've heard the quote "If you understand your why, the how will work itself out".   That seems to sum it up pretty well, it's not some magic technique that will get you where you want to be, or at least not by itself.  There needs to be a reason behind it, a strong why will overcome any technique flaws, or at least prompt you to find better techniques.

Now if you'd like to read well written articles about this check out:

Forbes

LifeHack.org

Success.com